


The Beginning & End of Everything

by Ludholtzjj



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV), Jonsa - Fandom
Genre: Adding More Tags as the Fic Continues, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Cancer, Denial of Feelings, Depression, Drama, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff, Jealousy, Jon Snow is a Targaryen, Jon and Sansa Are Not Related, Jon and the Starks Are Not Related, Kinda, Minor Character(s), Modern Westeros, Multi, Past Relationship(s), R plus L equals J, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, The Fault In Our Stars-ish AU, The Night's Watch Is a Band, various characters - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-13
Updated: 2017-12-31
Packaged: 2018-12-15 01:40:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11795781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ludholtzjj/pseuds/Ludholtzjj
Summary: Sansa Stark is a 16-year-old cancer patient living an exceedingly dull life, who after being diagnosed with depression reluctantly joins a cancer support group, but when she meets and falls in love with Jon Snow, the 18-year-old frontman of the Night’s Watch, she embarks on the adventure of her brief lifetime.*ANNOUNCEMENT: SKIP TO CHAPTER 5*





	1. The Story

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first Jonsa fic and I'm super excited! I've written fanfiction before but never for this fandom so this should be interesting, I just want everyone to know that if this story is absolute shit then I'm very sorry! Also, just to get it out there, I believe in criticism so let me know what you guys think! Although, to be clear I don't appreciate rude ass comments. However, even though I don't like people being rude, I'm perfectly okay with people sharing their opinions, this is a judgment free zone; if I don't like something it doesn't matter you're allowed to express yourself and even chat about it with me if you want to, I may just be some random person on the internet but I'm here for you so don't be afraid to approach me!

The strange sound of beeping in our house gently pulls me toward consciousness.

_ Beep… beep… beep… beep… beep…  _

I fight to return to sleep, but I’m vaguely aware of a building sense of pain in my body. Confusion clouds my mind as my fingers stretch out, seeking Jon’s warmth but finding only the cold feel of plastic bars. My eyes open and the sense of security vanishes. 

I’m not home, not with my husband. I’m in a room, the entire ceiling glows with a bright white light. The air is tainted with the unmistakable smell of something sharp and antiseptic. My right arm has several tubes attached that extend to a pole beside me. I’m naked, but the bedclothes are soothing against my skin. Suddenly, a sharp noise frightens me causing the beeping sound to quickly increase in pace. 

My head turns sharply and a figure slumped against my bed slides into view. I’m afraid to move at first, but after an initial jolt of alarm, I begin to relax. Now staring closely at the figure, I see a man with a lean build and dark brown hair.  _ Jon _ . I continue to stare, transfixed by the sight of him. He’s perhaps the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen, I still get butterflies even though I've seen him about a thousand times.

My peace of mind is broken by a sudden sharp pain and the sound of his loud snores. My confusion once again takes over, Jon never snores unless he’s completely sleep deprived… and then it hits me. 

Glancing around, I once again take in my surroundings and finally come to an understanding of the gravity of the situation at hand. Had I been younger, perhaps I would have fallen apart, but instead I simply allow a grim smile to pass over my face. 

Slowly so as not to wake him, I take Jon’s hand in my own. I rub small circles into the back of his hand as I look upon him. Just looking at him reminds me that even though the world can be cruel at times it’s still full of beautiful things… like him. 

This man, this beautiful man reminds me of all the good things that have happened in my life, and so alone with my thoughts, I turn and pick up my journal and allow myself to be taken back to where it all began… the beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol hello again! I simply wanted to go ahead and address some issues regarding this fic. Okay so first off, if you're a little confused by this first chapter then don't worry because that was kind of the point, I'll be sure to clear things up at the end of the next chapter! As for the next chapter, it probably won't be out until a few days and that's probably how the rest of the story will go to, so expect the updating schedule to be probably every few days. Also just so you're aware, I'll be adding tags as the story progresses, I wanted to go ahead and tag a bunch of characters and relationships but in the end I'm not really sure I'll end up using them all so as I said I'll just be adding as we go along! I also don't have a set number of chapters, but I do have a feeling this is going to be quite a long story so maybe around 20 chapters possibly more. Anyway thanks for reading and have a nice day ;D


	2. The Beginning... Or So You Thought

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Guess who's back, back again" :D

It all began when I was twelve-years-old. It was just like any other day, except over the past few weeks I’d noticed that I sometimes had trouble breathing along with pain in my throat and a very insistent cough, but I just shrugged it off as a lack of athleticism and a small bout of sickness from living in the North… that would later prove to be my biggest mistake.

 

* * *

 

“Jeyne I’m telling you, I can’t wait until I’m 18 so I can finally leave this dreary place and move to the South!” I said. Jeyne simply looked at me with a face that said I was an absolute liar.

“What?” I asked exasperated as she continued to look at me with the same expression.

‘“Oh come off it Sans, you and I both know that the North being all “dreary” isn’t the only reason you’re so eager to leave!”’

“What are you talking about?! This climate is dreadful, can’t you see?! It constantly makes people sick, I’m sick right now! My throat hurts all the time and I can’t stop coughing!” I exclaim, only to continue to receive Jeyne’s skeptical look.

“Fine. Pray tell what’s this other reason you seem to think I have?” I ask her sarcastically.

“Well obviously the only thing you’ve ever talked about since we were children! Your handsome golden-haired prince!” Jeyne then proceeded to fain a swoon.

I could feel the heat rising to my face as I blushed a deep red, causing Jeyne to burst into a fit of giggles. I quickly shoved her, before flashing her a bright grin.

“Well that wouldn’t be so bad would it” I stated in a playful manner, this time causing both me and Jeyne to burst into laughter. However, before Jeyne could respond, Arya came out running and screaming like the wild heathen she was. She ran right past us in a flash, only to knock me off the bench and into the mud, completely ruining my new dress.

“ARYA!” I screeched, promptly causing Arya to stop and quickly turn around.

“Sans, I’m sorry! It was an acciden--” Arya starting saying before I cut her off.

“YOU SPOILED MY DRESS! JUST LIKE YOU SPOIL EVERYTHING! YOU STUPID GIRL!” glancing up at Arya, I could see that her look of remorse was now replaced by anger.

“ME?! I’M NOT THE STUPID ONE, YOU’RE THE STUPID ONE! YOU’RE A STUPID LITTLE GIRL WITH STUPID DREAMS!”

“AT LEAST I’M NOT A WILD ANIMAL THAT SHOULD BE PUT DOWN LIKE A BEAST!”

Arya was about to yell something back before they were suddenly interrupted.

“Hey don’t talk to her like that!” yelled Robb.

“I’m sorry Robb, but she does this all the time! She ruined my dr--”

“I DON’T CARE WHAT SHE DID! SANSA APOLOGIZE RIGHT NOW!”

“What is going on?!” asked Father in disbelief.

“I knocked over Sansa by accident and tried to apologize before she started calling me names” stated Arya.

“LIAR! THAT’S NOT TRUE, SHE DID IT ON PURPOSE FATHER!” I screamed.

Father let out a heavy sigh before saying, “Sansa apologize to your sister”

“BUT FATHER I DIDN’T DO ANYTHING WRONG! ADMIT IT, YOU ONLY WANT ME TO APOLOGIZE TO HER BECAUSE YOU LOVE HER MORE THAN ME! YOU ALWAYS LET HER GET HER WAY!”

“Seven hells!” Arya exclaimed.

“Sansa you heard father, apologize to Arya!” yelled Robb.

I just stood there looking at Robb in disbelief, out of all of our siblings, me and Robb had always been the closest.  “BUT ROBB I DIDN’T DO ANYTHING! YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE ON MY SIDE!”

“YEAH I’M SUPPOSED TO BE ON YOUR SIDE, WHEN YOU’RE NOT BEING A BITCH!” and just like that I froze.

“ROBB RICKARD STARK!” yelled father, it was at this moment Robb seemed to finally register what he had just said to me. We both stared at each other in shock and right before Robb could say anything else, I burst into tears and ran as fast as my feet would carry me.

As I ran I could hear numerous people calling out after me but I didn’t care, I just kept running and I didn’t stop until I made it to the Godswood. At this point I could barely breathe but I didn’t pay any attention to this fact, I just dropped to my knees and continued to break down in sobs as I struggled for air.

“Please, please, please take me away from here!” I began to pray earnestly.

I continued to sob out my prayer repeatedly until suddenly I felt like I was choking. I was trying desperately to take in gulps of air but it wasn’t working. I could see the darkness creeping in from the corners of my eyes, in that moment I felt like I was dying. Before I finally let the darkness consume me, I looked up at the Weirwood tree and thought _no this isn’t what I meant._

 

* * *

 

To my surprise I woke up hours later in the hospital… and that’s when they found it.

I was diagnosed with stage 4 thyroid cancer with metastasis forming in my lungs. It was, we were told, incurable. That didn’t stop them of course, I had a surgery called radical neck dissection. Then radiation. After that, they tried to do chemo for my lung tumors, but I refused much to my family’s displeasure. Life expectancy for stage 4 thyroid cancer with metastasis was about less than 10 years, why prolong the inevitable.

By then, I was thirteen. My lungs started to fill up with water and I was looking pretty dead, my hands and feet ballooned; my skin cracked; and my lips were perpetually blue. I finally ended up in the ICU in Kings Landing with pneumonia, and at this point I knew that this was it. No one seemed to accept it, especially Robb who blamed himself for my state, claiming he was the reason they all found me unconscious under the Weirwood tree a year ago, even though Robb could hardly be blamed for that.  

In the end, everyone eventually gathered together and just kept telling me they loved me and I kept telling them that I loved them too. Soon after, I couldn’t catch my breath, and my lungs were acting desperately to get air in. I remember mother telling me it was okay and that I would be okay, and father was trying hard not to sob, still trying to remain strong for the rest of the family that was already falling apart. It was probably the hardest thing I've ever had to watch and because of that I remember thinking to myself that I didn’t want to be awake.

We all figured I was finished, but my Doctor, Tyrion Lannister managed to get some of the fluid out of my lungs, and shortly thereafter the antibiotics they’d given me for the pneumonia kicked in. I woke up and soon got into one of those experimental trials.

The drug was Phalanxifor, this molecule designed to attach itself to cancer cells and slow their growth. It didn’t work in about 70 percent of people. But it worked on me, and so the tumors shrunk. My mets hardly grew anymore, leaving me with lungs that sucked and required me to use a cylindrical green oxygen tank that delivered two liters of oxygen to me each minute through a cannula, a transparent tube that split just beneath my neck, wrapped behind my ears, and then reunited in my nostrils. Fortunately, the tank only weighed a few pounds and I had this little rolling backpack to carry and wheel it around.

Admittedly, my cancer miracle had only resulted in a bit of purchased time, but I suppose to some people more time is better than no time… I myself couldn’t say the same.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay first things first, last chapter I said I would clear some things up so lets do this! Okay so if you were confused last chapter, like my wonderful friend who asked me "If Sansa is 16 then how does she have a husband?" then you're in luck! So last chapter is actually supposed to be taking place during the fics present time, I didn't label it that way because I felt like because of that I'd probably have to pick a specific year and I didn't want to do that because I'm going to be using a lot of pop culture from our world that isn't all from the same time period and even though everyone in this fic lives in Westeros and it really shouldn't matter, it matters to me so yeah lol. Anyway, if you haven't already noticed this story is going to be told in flashbacks with Sansa telling her story, however it's actually gonna be kinda like a movie where it doesn't feel like flashbacks it's more like you're living that moment as it's happening which is why I didn't italicize the moment where Sansa learns about her cancer. Although, in this chapter I did kinda interrupt the story as if Sansa is telling it to you, this shouldn't happen anymore but it might one last time in the next chapter I'm not sure yet. Also, just like a movie even though it's Sansa's story I'm going to add different povs. Okay lets move on to this chapter! So to start I'm just gonna say that even though I really didn't want to, I did include young bratty and naive Sansa. I also want to say that Sansa and Arya's fight probably wasn't that good because honestly I don't recall what children fight about... it's been a while and I could hardly have them cuss each other out like I do as a teenager. Next is the Weirwood tree, okay so this is a modern AU but idk it just felt wrong to not have the Starks live in Winterfell, so I chose to have all the major families live in their ancestors castles while everyone else lives in normal houses like regular people lol. I think I also need to probably address Robb, okay so Robb and Sansa are super close especially after she gets cancer but right now even though Robb's favorite is Sansa he still plays big brother to everyone else to. Next would be the Kings Landing part, okay so one minute Sansa is in the North and then I'm all like "now she's in Kings Landing", so if you know anything about hospitals you know that sometimes patients need to be moved to different hospitals so that's what happened; basically the North didn't have what Sansa needed so they airlifted her to the South where she could get proper treatment. Lastly I think is the type of cancer and the Phalanxifor, yes I did take Sansa's cancer type and treatment from the Fault In Our Stars but I did mention in the tags that this is slightly based off of the Fault In Our Stars so yeah. Before I forget, the next chapter should be where we finally start the actual plot, but there were somethings I wanted to add to this chapter that I didn't so I'm thinking about adding them next chapter so we might actually hold off on the plot until chapter 4. To end this note I unfortunately have bad news, the next update should take far longer because in the past 5 days it took me to write this I've been lying to my dad that I've been doing my summer homework, so I'm taking a mini break to quickly finish my homework because my school is stupid af and gives homework over the summer. Anyway thanks again for reading and have a nice day! ;D


	3. The True Beginning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OML I AM SO SORRY IT TOOK ME THIS LONG TO UPDATE! I PROMISED I'D UPDATE QUICKLY YET HERE I AM LIKE A BILLION YEARS LATER, GOD I'M SO FULL OF SHIT! I'M JUST SO SORRY!

Late in the Fall of my sixteenth year, after living with cancer for five years, my family decided I was depressed. To be completely honest I’m surprised they didn’t call it sooner; I had quite the dry sense of humor, a pessimistic attitude on occasion, brief moments of happiness, spent quite a lot of time in bed, watched and read the same movies and books over and over again, ate infrequently, had an odd circle of friends that included a few people far older than myself, and devoted my infrequent free time to thinking about death. 

Although, whenever I thought about the sweet relief of my death, I always felt guilty afterwards… 

However, I still felt I had a right to be depressed. Nonetheless, my parents and Robb thought I needed treatment, so they took me to see Doctor Lannister, who agreed that I was swimming in a clinical depression, and that therefore my meds should be adjusted and also I should attend a weekly Support Group. 

 

* * *

 

“She eats like a bird”, Robb told Tyrion.

“And she barely leaves the house”, my father added.

Robb turned to stare incredulously at father, “Why does she need to leave the house, she’s perfectly fine!”.

“Robb your sister is 16 years old, she needs to get out more and live her life. She can’t stay locked in the house forever!”

“If she wants to go out she can! … as long as I take her!” 

“That’s exactly what I mean Robb! Your sister is old enough to have her own license, she can take care of herself!” 

“You don’t understand! What if something happened to her while she was alone, it’s better if I’m with her!”. 

Before the small argument between Robb and father could escalate into a full blown fight, mother interrupted, “Ned you know Robb’s right! Now hush the both of you!”. 

Father was about to argue back, but one glare from mother and he shut right up. That however didn’t stop him from shooting me a sad-sympathetic look.

I honestly couldn’t understand why father even bothered, we all knew when it came to me that it was mother and Robb’s way or no way. Ever since I was diagnosed with cancer, Robb had become what we all liked to call “over-protective Robb”. After finding me in the Godswood all those years ago, Robb still thought what had happened was his fault and I guess a part of Robb felt he had to dedicate his life to making it up to me. Hence, why Robb constantly hovered over me, refused to let me leave his side, always defended me no matter what, and refused to allow me to get a license making him my designated driver. 

Not to mention there was also my mother, it can be said that Catelyn Tully Stark prided herself over being the best mother possible, and after having a child diagnosed with cancer and another paralyzed from the waist-down, I guess you could say she now strived to protect all her children from further incidents even if it meant laying down a thick layer of strict rules… but if I was being completely honest, they only really applied to me and Bran, and even then I still got it worse but I suppose you could attribute it to the fact that unlike Bran, I was dying… even if no one other than me liked to truly acknowledge the fact.

So Father's attempts to gain me an actual life baffled me to no end, there was just no winning… I could see that, why couldn’t he? 

“She’s watching and reading the same books and movies over and over again”, said mother. 

“She’s gotta be depressed!”, exclaimed Robb. 

“She’s depressed”, Dr. Lannister or Tyrion as I liked to call him stated matter of factly. 

He quickly turned to me and said in the most serious tone, “I’ll prescribe you some new meds. It’s these new anti-depressants, instead of swallowing them you throw them at anyone who appears to be having a good time”. 

I burst into laughter and began to laugh even harder when I saw the disapproving glances my parents and Robb were throwing at Tyrion, but as usual Tyrion didn’t care and just grinned and winked at me. 

Over the course of my treatment at Kings Landing hospital, much to the displeasure of my family, Tyrion had become one of my greatest friends. 

What I liked most about Tyrion was his tendency to continuously offend people, also his vast intelligence and love for books. Tyrion and I would spend almost all of my appointments talking about books rather than my cancer, also to the displeasure of my family. Tyrion however wasn’t the only friend my family found fault with.  

 

* * *

 

 

My odd circle of friends included a total of 9 people: Tyrion, Shae, Sandor, Ros, Brienne, Podrick, Margaery, Mya, and Jeyne. Tyrion was obviously my first friend, however he wasn’t the only friend I made while in the hospital. As my designated nurse, Shae was the second friend I made… also her being Tyrion’s not so secret lover was probably a huge factor in our friendship. 

Now perhaps the most interesting friendship story is how I became friends with Ros and Sandor. Being an adolescent cancer patient you’d expect I’d get a separate room, that was definitely not the case. After being removed from the ICU I was roomed with Ros and Sandor, a prostitute who may or may not have been there for STDs and a past burn victim who was a no bullshit police officer. Let’s just say that my cynical attitude, Ros’s sultry sexual escapade stories, and Sandor’s blunt cynical sense of humor caused for quite an interesting combination. I sneak out the house so we can still meet up almost every week for coffee. 

Next would be Brienne and Podrick, I didn’t meet them in the hospital but I did however still meet them due to my cancer. Brienne was my physical therapist, while Podrick was my legitimate therapist… for some reason that I still don’t understand, they came as a 2 for 1 package deal.    

My best friend in the world, Margaery would be next. After my cancer diagnoses my parents decided that it would be best if the family moved South to live in the Riverlands at Riverrun with mother’s family so I would be closer to Kings Landing hospital and be able to receive the treatment I needed; to this day I still feel guilty for uprooting my siblings and taking them away from everything they knew, even if they seemed to eventually adjust to life in the South. 

At this point, Tyrion had discharged me from the hospital and I now spent my days in sadness and anger, mother had taken me out of school and prevented me from returning so I didn’t have many friends… not that it mattered since I wasn’t particularly in a friend making mood. However, one day my grandfather, Hoster heard news about Olenna Tyrell trying to find her granddaughter, Margaery a playmate and so my grandfather sent a message to her telling her he had a granddaughter of his own that could use a playmate. Hence one day Margaery came over, I found her completely unbearable. She was far to friendly and no matter how much I tried to stay away from her she kept pestering me, she took trying to become my friend as a challenge. Eventually though her charm, bluntness, and obscene humor became rather refreshing and she grew on me until we were the best of friends. 

Much like how Margaery and I became friends, Mya and I became friends almost the exact same way. However, instead it was on a trip to visit my crazy aunt Lysa that I first met Mya and unlike Margaery and me, Mya and I instantly connected.  

Lastly is Jeyne, Jeyne and I had been friends since childhood and even after I moved we still remained good friends; she occasionally comes to visit me.  

Continuing on though, I eventually sobered up and stopped laughing. Tyrion obviously seemed to note the hostility rolling off my parents and Robb, since he went on with my recommended medication. 

“As I said, I will be prescribing Sansa with new medication, however I’d also like to speak with you about another idea I had in mind”.

My family and I exchanged curious glances, and Robb eventually nodded for Tyrion to continue.

“I believe it may be beneficial if Sansa began to attend Support Group, you may of course accompany her since it’s sort of a moral support from family/friends type of Support Group, but I just feel that it’d be good for her to connect with people who are on the same journey”.

I stared at Tyrion agape, “Same journey, are you serious?!”. Of all the things I’d ever heard this was perhaps the most ridiculous, as if my death was some sort of happy adventure.

Tyrion merely gave me a sad look as I continued to stare at him in disbelieve. Robb and my mother however seemed to waste no time. 

“I think that’s a wonderful idea!”, claimed my mother.

Robb nodded along and said, “I agree. I could go there with her!”

All I could do was sit there as Tyrion, mother, and Robb discussed and made plans. However as I sat there, I could feel eyes on me. I looked up to see my father staring at me. Father was always the more lenient parent so I was about to make my displeasure known until I noticed his eyes, they were full of understanding but they also held a look of hope. 

In that moment I hated my father, he was always encouraging us to follow our hearts and form our own paths, and yet at the moment I needed this reassurance the most he took it from me. To the outsider I may seem crazy since my family lavishes me with all the attention, but I always felt I was the least loved in the family, and at this moment I truly believed it. 

I shut off my emotions and allowed a mask to take over my face before father or anyone else could notice my feelings. I would attend Support Group, not because I wanted to but for the same reason that I did anything else these days: I wanted to make my family happy. 

After all, the worst part about cancer isn’t what it does to you, but what it does to the people you love. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will finally be the day that my end note is short af, so yay! That was some depressing shit wasn't it lol, but I did add a little humor so you can't be super mad at me. Don't worry next chapter is where things will start getting lighter, why you ask well... because Imma finally introduce you to MOTHERFUCKING JON SNOW! I'm still pissed at S7 Jon Snow though so shit won't be easy for him, but it'll be humorous so it's all good lol! 
> 
> Oh yeah so before I forget I gotta give quote credits, "The worst part about cancer isn’t what it does to you, but what it does to the people you love" - Wade Wilson; Deadpool movie (this quote is hella unappreciated).
> 
> Almost forgot! Follow me on Tumblr please... I probably don't deserve it but do it anyway lol!  
> @Ludholtzjj


	4. Perfect Isn’t Without Its Own Flaws

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys it only took me like a month to update, you should be proud of me! Not. Okay but listen I may be bad at keeping an updating schedule but compared to some people you gotta admit I'm at least doing alright. Also this is the longest chapter I've ever written for this fic, so it's slightly worth the wait.

 

After attending Support Group for a few weeks, I grew to be rather against the whole affair. In fact, today I was going to try my level best to get out of Support Group… of course first everyone had to wake up.

Just like every morning, I woke up at 6 am to make breakfast. Making breakfast for the family and the Starks large number of strays when they stopped by, wasn’t necessarily something that was asked of me, to be honest mother was quite against it… not that she didn’t appreciate the help of course; I just figured that if I was going to have insomnia I might as well put it to use. Since I woke up so unreasonably early compared to everyone else, I always had enough time to make everyone their individual favorite breakfast food.

After starting on mother’s omelet, since she usually wakes up first unless grandfather has a fit of insomnia, I quickly went to let the direwolves out. Direwolves were very rare these days, even in the North, so the Starks were very fortunate to own 5. When I was finally discharged from the hospital at the age of 13, I was always making return trips to the hospital, mostly for phenomena since mother and father didn’t really know how to properly take care of me now that I had cancer. After about the 20th visit father decided to get me a support dog, that would apparently help let everyone know when I was about to have an episode.

The very next day the Stark clan piled into the car and we found ourselves at the nearest shelter. Of course me being the little massive ball of angst that I was I picked the opposite of a dog, a wolf. The moment my eyes landed on Ghost I knew he was mine, he was just like me… the odd one out, and much to my father’s dismay the others fell for the other 4 pups. We were all there for me of course so I had all of my siblings trying to persuade me to pick their wolf, much to my displeasure even father was trying to sway me from picking Ghost. I remember feeling myself withdrawing from the others and allowing them to make my decision for me since they always left me out and never listened, but one look at Ghost and I couldn’t let him go. I surprised everyone by letting out my anger and in the end I got what I wanted but of course that didn’t happen without protest, so I was once again the unspecial one. All my siblings got to take home a direwolf and I now had “5 support wolves”, even though only one was really mine; I couldn’t really be bothered though, I was used to being unspecial but I had Ghost so it didn’t really matter.

 

* * *

 

So after letting Grey Wind, Nymeria, Summer, and Shaggydog out and having Ghost choose to stay with me, I went back to making breakfast.  

Even if I didn’t feel like going to Support Group today, I was still in a good mood. Today was what I liked to call one of my good days, unlike bad days I woke up feeling cheerful and positive. Sansa good days were pretty rare compared to Sansa bad days, but for some reason I felt like something good was going to happen today. So instead of playing my usual Lana del Rey, I turned on the radio and played something livelier.

**_“Shake, shake, shake, Senora,_ **

**_Shake your body line_ **

**_Shake, shake, shake, Senora,_ **

**_Shake it all the time_ **

**_Work, work, work, Senora,_ **

**_Work your body line_ **

**_Work, work, work, Senora,_ **

**_Work it all the time… ”_ **

I started dancing around the kitchen as Harry Belafonte’s voice carried around the kitchen. I finished making mother’s omelet and began on grandfather’s oatmeal, then father, Robb, uncle Brynden, and Arya’s stacks of pancakes.

**_“Jump in the line, rock your body in time_ **

**_Ok, I believe you!_ **

**_Jump in the line, rock your body in time_ **

**_Ok, I believe you!_ **

**_Jump in the line, rock your body in time… ”_ **

As the song reached its end, the Stark and Tully clan started filing in. First, came mother, then grandfather, father, Robb, and uncle Brynden. They all gave me bright smiles as they saw me dancing and singing along to Gene Pitney’s Town Without Pity , knowing instantly today was one of my good days. They all grabbed their breakfast and thanked me before digging in, I finished Arya’s pancakes and set them aside knowing she wouldn’t be down until much later and I then started on Bran’s grilled cheese and both Rickon and uncle Edmure’s blueberry waffles.

**_“When you're young and so in love as we_ **

**_And bewildered by the world we see_ **

**_Why do people get a soul_ **

**_Only those in love would know_ **

**_What a town without pity can do_ **

**_If we stop to gaze upon a star_ **

**_People talk about how bad we are_ **

**_Ours is not an easy age_ **

**_We're like tigers in a cage_ **

**_What a town without pity can do… ”_ **

 

* * *

 

By 8 am I was finished making breakfast, and was now making lemon cakes. Arya, Bran, and Rickon eventually popped into the kitchen and began eating as well; as usual uncle Edmure was the last person to wake up, uncle Brynden could be heard muttering under his breath that it was about damn time Edmure woke up.

When my lemon cakes were finally done I went to go sit with my family, at what was now a very chaotic breakfast. Everyone was talking over each other, except for Robb who was busy ignoring his phone as it kept going off.

As I sat quietly and ate my lemon cakes, I couldn’t help but wonder how I was going to bring up not wanting to go to Support Group. Sensing my nervousness, Ghost came up and nuzzled into my side and I couldn’t help but let a huge grin spread across my face.

With renewed courage thanks to Ghost and seeing no better option, I simply came out with it, “I refuse to attend Support Group”. All of a sudden the whole room went deadly silent.

“Sansa dear, of course you have to go. One of the symptoms of depression is disinterest in activities, and besides it’s Doctor Lannister’s orders”, mother stated.

“Please just let me stay home! I’ll watch a movie or something, that’s an activity.”

“Television is a passivity.”

“Mother, please!”

“You have to go and that’s final!”

“But why?!”

“Because you deserve a life Sansa! I can’t just sit here and watch you let yourself waste away when you have so much potential… you deserve so much more than what life has given you”, she whispered tearfully. “Now please just go get ready”

Support Group didn’t meet until 3 pm but I just nodded my head and swallowed the lump forming in my throat before getting up from the table. As I walked to my room I tried to ignore the obvious sounds of my mother softly crying and father trying to sooth her.

 

* * *

 

 

My good mood had obviously dimmed since this morning but I didn’t really want to think about that, so instead I went to shower. There really wasn’t anything a good hot shower couldn’t fix, so I could feel my good mood quickly returning and soon found myself singing Queen in the shower.

**_“Tonight I'm gonna have myself a real good time_ **

**_I feel alive and the world it's turning inside out Yeah!_ **

**_I'm floating around in ecstasy_ **

**_So don't stop me now don't stop me_ **

**_'Cause I'm having a good time having a good time_ **

**_I'm a shooting star leaping through the skies_ **

**_Like a tiger defying the laws of gravity_ **

**_I'm a racing car passing by like Lady Godiva_ **

**_I'm gonna go go go_ **

**_There's no stopping me… “_ **

 

* * *

 

 

After my shower I definitely felt better, so after throwing on a long sleeved red dress and my dragonfly pendant, I decided to use the winter roses grandfather and uncle Brynden got me to make a flower crown. People had always told me I was beautiful, but at this moment I definitely felt like it.

Since it still wasn’t time for me and Robb to leave yet I decided to read a book to pass the time, I walked over to my bookshelf and scanned my books before grabbing _The Selection_ by Kiera Cass. The Selection series had always been one of my favorites, it was about thirty-five girls entering the Selection, which was the chance of a lifetime. The opportunity to escape a rigid caste system, live in a palace, and compete for the heart of gorgeous Prince Maxon. But for the main character America Singer, being Selected is a nightmare. It means turning her back on her secret love with Aspen, who is a caste below her, and competing for a crown she doesn’t want, but then America meets Prince Maxon and realizes that the life she’s always dreamed of may not compare to a future she never imagined.

I was so engrossed in the book I didn’t notice the hours pass until Robb came to my door to come get me.

“Come on Sans, we gotta go or else we’ll be late”

I quickly got up and put my book away before turning back to Robb, only to find him staring at me.

“What?”

“You look very beautiful Sans”, he said with a smile before it quickly turned into an intense frown. “Maybe you should change though, I don’t want all the boys to be looking at my little sister”

“Robb! My dress isn’t even that short and it covers up all my bits!”, I exclaimed hitting him as a blush started racing up my face. All Robb could do was laugh and tell me to hurry up as we headed to the car.

 

* * *

 

 

The Support Group, of course, was as depressing as the seven hells . It met every Saturday in the Sept of Baelor. We all sat in a circle on very uncomfortable metal chairs right in the middle of the Sept.

The Support Group Leader, Melisandre talked about the Lord of Light, R’hllor every freaking meeting, which was really surprising since our meetings literally take place in a Sept that worships the seven… but I could hardly judge since I was more of a follower of the Old Gods then the New.

So here’s how it went: The lot of us walked/wheeled in, grabbed some snacks, then sat down in the Circle of Trust, and listened to Melisandre recount for the thousandth time her disturbing life story—how she had cancer in her ovaries after she had her son and they thought she was going to die but she didn’t die and now here she is, a full-grown adult in the Sept of Baelor, living in the shittiest smelling city in Westeros, mostly friendless, a R’hllor fanatic,  waiting, as we all do, for the sword to swing and give her the relief that she escaped all those many years ago when R’hllor saved her life. AND YOU TOO MIGHT BE SO LUCKY!

Then we introduced ourselves: Name. Age. Diagnosis. And how we’re doing today. I never really liked to speak during the meetings, call it a side effect of depression, so Robb would introduce himself and then me.

Once we got around the circle, Melisandre always asked if anyone wanted to share. And then began the circle of support: everyone talking about fighting and battling and winning. To be fair to Melisandre, she let us talk about dying, too. But most of them weren’t dying. Most would live into adulthood, as Melisandre had.

Which meant there was quite a lot of competitiveness about it, with everybody wanting to beat not only cancer itself, but also the other people in the room. You look around and think, as any healthy person would: I gotta outlast four of these bastards.

 

* * *

 

 

Robb pulled into the Septs parking lot at 2:55. Our whole way here Robb’s phone had continued to go off just like it did during breakfast, at one point I had caught sight of Talisa’s name flashing across the screen. Talisa was Robb’s girlfriend, they’d been dating since Freshman year of highschool and although she was very nice, her and Robb fought constantly. Robb didn’t like to talk about why they fought, but I knew it had to do with Robb ignoring her in favor of staying with me. I’d never really liked Talisa since I knew she wasn’t very fond of me either and also for the fact that I knew Marge had a crush on Robb and I definitely shipped it, but I felt bad tearing Robb’s relationship apart even though it technically wasn’t my fault. I still felt guilty though since he really seemed to love her. So at that moment I made a decision… probably a stupid one in my case.  

I pretended to fiddle with my oxygen tank for a second just to kill time.

“Look Robb I know Talisa’s been calling you, and before you say anything I just want you to know that I think you should go see her”

“Sans what are you talking about?! I gotta take you in and stay with you”

“It’s just you’ve been ignoring Talisa a lot in favor of me and I don’t want to get into the middle of your relationship”

“Sans you’re not getti-”

“But I am! Look please just go! I can handle one meeting on my own, besides I got Ghost with me!”, I yelled at him. Robb went silent at my out burst and let out a sigh before pinching the bridge of his nose.

After awhile Robb finally broke the silence, "Do you at least want me to carry that in for you?”

“No, it’s fine” I said. The cylindrical green tank only weighed a few pounds, and I had my rolling backpack to help wheel it around.

“I love you”, he said as Ghost and I got out the car.

“Love you too, Robb. See you at 4.”

“Make some friends!” he said through the rolled-down window as I walked away.

 

* * *

 

 

When I walked into the Sept, Ghost and I made our way to the snack table. I grabbed a cookie and poured some lemonade into a plastic cup and then turned around. A boy was staring at me.

I was quite sure I’d never seen him here before. Long and leanly muscular, dark brown curly hair, a couple of facial scars, a bunch of tattoos covering his body, and two piercings: one on his lower lip and the other on his left eyebrow. He looked around my age, maybe a few years older.

I looked away, suddenly self conscious. Sure I was wearing a very beautiful dress that was currently hugging my breasts and my hair was hanging freely down my back with my crown of winter roses resting on top of my head, but I didn’t truly think my looks were worth people turning their heads. And yet I cut a glance to him, and his eyes were still on me.

Look, let me just say it: He was hot.

I pulled out my phone and checked the time: 2:59. The seats began filling in, and soon enough Melisandre started us out with a prayer. The guy was still staring at me. I felt rather blushy.

Finally, I decided that the proper strategy was to stare back. So I looked over at him, and soon it was a staring contest. After a while the boy smiled, and then finally his brown eyes glanced away. When he looked back at me, I flicked my eyebrows up to say, I win. He just grinned.

Melisandre continued and then finally it was time for the introductions. “Gilly, perhaps you’d like to go first today?”

“I guess so”, Gilly said. “I’m Gilly. I’m eighteen. And I have ovarian cancer, and it’s looking like I have to get surgery in a couple weeks. Not to complain or anything because I know a lot of us have it worse, but I’m very nervous. My boyfriend helps, though and our friends like Jon”, she nodded towards the boy, who now had a name.

Sam was next and he talked about Gilly battling cancer and how much he loved and supported her, they were such an adorable couple.

Jon grimaced a little when his turn came. His voice was low, smoky, and dead sexy. “My name is Jon Snow”, he said. “I’m eighteen. I don’t have cancer, but I’m here today at Gilly and Sam’s request”

“And how are you feeling?”, asked Melisandre.

“Oh, I’m grand”, Jon Snow smiled with a quirk of his mouth as he glanced at me.

When it was finally my turn I said, “My name is Sansa Stark. I’m sixteen. I have Thyroid with mets in my lungs and I’m okay”. Then pointing down to my side I said, “And this is Ghost”.

 

* * *

 

 

The hour proceeded apace: Fights were recounted, battles won amid wars sure to be lost; hope was clung to; families were both celebrated and denounced; it was agreed that friends just didn’t get it; tears were shed; comfort proffered. Neither Jon Snow nor I spoke again during the meeting.

At the end, we all had to hold hands, and Melisandre led us in a prayer, and afterwards she went through the list of those we lost. It was a long list, and while Melisandre droned on, reading the list from a sheet of paper because it was too long to memorize, I kept my eyes closed, trying to imagine the day when my name would find its way onto that list, all the way at the end when everyone had stopped listening.

 

* * *

 

 

Walking out of the Sept and into the parking lot, I stepped toward the curb and sat down since Robb wasn’t here yet. Dragging my backpack closer, I pulled out my sketchbook and a treat for Ghost.

I’d always had a talent for drawing but when I was younger I mostly used it for sketching designs, but after my diagnosis I’d gone on to broadening my horizons and started sketching buildings, people, and landscapes. In a way cancer changed my life for the better, the only reason I truly excelled at art was because cancer had given me the ability to appreciate life in a different way and I was able to articulate that new world aspect through my drawings.   

Putting in my earbuds and listening to music, I quickly flipping through my sketchbook looking for my drawing of the Sept. I’d started my sketch of the Sept during last week’s meeting, I’d zoned out fairly quickly and began to truly take in my surroundings.

The Great Sept of Baelor truly was a magnificent structure, it was decorated with paintings of the seven-pointed star and sculptures depicting the Seven different aspects of the godhead. Votive offerings and lit candles were placed at the bases of the statues of the Seven and the main sanctum chamber could comfortably seat seven hundred people. Although the Sept was very beautiful it probably couldn’t even compare to the original Sept built by the Targaryen's; according to Westerosi history the Great Sept of Baelor was constructed during the reign of King Baelor Targaryen, but was later destroyed by the Mad Queen Cersei in 303 AL using wildfire and wasn’t reconstructed until far later when peace was finally reached within the realms.

I’d gotten progressively far with my sketch and was now just finishing up adding all the intricate details, I was so absorbed in my task that I didn’t notice someone was next to me until I felt something being placed on my shoulders. Turning quickly to my left, my Tully blue eyes locked with the beautiful melancholic brown eyes of the boy from before. I could see his lips moving but I was frozen in place, and rather ironically I could hear Lana del Rey crooning in the background.

**_“... It was like James Dean, for sure_ **

**_You so fresh to death and sick as ca-cancer_ **

**_You were sorta punk rock, I grew up on hip hop_ **

**_But you fit me better than my favorite sweater, and I know_ **

**_That love is mean, and love hurts_ **

**_But I still remember that day we met in December, oh baby… “_ **

I could see that Jon had began to stare at me rather intensely and I soon realized it was probably because he was waiting for an answer. I quickly tore out my earbuds and spoke.

“I’m sorry what did you say?”

I could feel my cheeks heating up in embarrassment as he chuckled lightly at me.

“I said that you looked cold so that’s why I gave you my jacket”

My eyes grew comically wide as I quickly looked down at my shoulders only to see that he had indeed given me his jacket, I’d been so distracted I hadn’t even noticed the smell of fresh pine taking over my senses. I was definitely blushing now.

“Oh”, I offered lamely. He offered me a small grin in return before turning his head to look out at the parking lot. Realizing my mistake I blushed even harder.

“Oh shit. I… well… I just meant… thank you”, I stuttered.

Jon turned back to look at me in surprise, I was a little confused at first before realizing again that I had made a mistake. I gasped and quickly slapped a hand over my mouth causing him to laugh.

“Shit I can’t believe I’ve just said that”, that just caused Jon to start laughing even harder.

“And now I’ve gone and said shit…  Three times…  I’m really sorry, I swear I never usually curse!”, luckily for me Jon seemed to take pity on me.

“It’s quite alright”, he said with a smile. I smiled back at him shyly. After a moment his eyes soon moved off of me and onto my sketchbook.

“That’s a very beautiful drawing”

Once again I could only lamely offer him a thank you before an awkward silence ensued.

“You know I lied”

I glanced over at Jon in confusion, “About what?”

“I know it’s December and all but it doesn’t really get that cold in the south, I lied about giving you my jacket because I thought you were cold, I just wanted an excuse to talk to you”

I’m absolutely sure that by now I was probably as red as my hair, all I could do was gape at him while the logical part of my brain was berating me for not being able to speak to the handsome boy in front of me and all the while also agreeing that the weather in the south was just on the cold side of perfect.

Not knowing what to say, I simply began to fiddle nervously with my dragonfly pendant. Jon however, seemed unbothered by this and just kept staring at me.

Eventually growing far to uncomfortable I blurted out my next words.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

Jon half smiled, “Because you’re beautiful. I enjoy looking at beautiful people, and I decided a while ago not to deny myself the simpler pleasures of existence”

I kind of scoffed and then said, “I’m not beau—”

“You most definitely are”, he said while letting his eyes travel up and down my body appreciatively.

His every syllable flirted. Honestly, he kind of turned me on. I didn’t even know that guys could turn me on.

He was just about to say something else when Sam and Gilly walked up. “Hold on”, Jon said, raising a finger, standing and turning to the couple. Jon leaned in so he thought I couldn’t hear. “She’s a regular?”, I couldn’t hear Sam’s comment, but Jon responded, “I’ll say.” He clasped Sam by both shoulders and then took a half step away from him.

“Alright, I think we should go. I need to get Gilly home. Good luck!”

“Practice tomorrow?”, Jon asked.

“Definitely”, Sam and Gilly turned and left.

Jon sat back down and turned to me. “What breed is he?”, he said.

“What?”

“Your dog what breed is he?”, he said.

“He’s not a dog, he’s a direwolf”

“So why Ghost?”, Jon asked curiously.

“It’s because of his fur and he’s always been unnaturally silent”, I laughed. Jon seeming to accept that, simply nodded.

“We should hang out sometime”, he said all of a sudden.

“Okay”, I said. “Maybe next week we can meet up or something”

“No. With me. At my house”, he said. “Now”

I froze, “I hardly know you, Jon Snow. You could be an axe murder”

He grinned, “True enough, Sansa Stark”

A couple more cars drove up, taking away a bunch of other kids, until it was just Jon and me. Then Jon reached into his pocket and pulled out, of all things, a pack of cigarettes. He flipped it open and put a cigarette between his lips.

“Are you serious?”, I asked. “Oh my God, you just ruined this whole thing.”

“Which whole thing?”, he asked turning to me as he lit his cigarette.

“The whole thing where a boy who is not unattractive or unkind stares at me and speaks to me in a charming manner, while also asking me to hangout at his house. But of course there’s always a flaw, and even though your friend has freaking cancer you give money to a company in exchange for the chance to acquire cancer! Totally disappointing. Totally.”

Turning away from him, I got up and gathered my stuff and moved away, leaving Jon Snow behind me. I felt this weird mix of disappointment and anger welling up inside of me, I wanted to smack Jon Snow.

Right as Robb finally pulled up, I felt a hand grab mine. I yanked my hand free but turned back to him.

“Look I’m sorry okay?”

All I could do was scoff and give him an unimpressed look, “Go somewhere else with your bullshit”

There was quite a long period of silence as I watched a smile spread all the way across Jon’s face—not the little crooked smile of the boy trying to be sexy while he stared at me, but his real smile, too big for his face. “Goddamn”, Jon said quietly. “Aren’t you something else”.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look Imma go ahead and say it, I still haven't learned to make a short end note. So let's begin! First off if there's any grammatical mistakes or whatever please let me know, I looked it over already but it's 2 am so I might have missed something. Yea anyway I decided to do a little bit of a time skip because it made more sense to me and also because I'm now trying to make this fic as short as possible, at the beginning I said this fic would probably be long af but I've noticed that really long fics get kinda boring and make people lose interest and I don't want that. So next thing, I mentioned Stark strays but none were in this chapter, that's because that was a last minute addition to the chapter because oops I forgot about my supporting characters. Next is the support dog thing, okay yea no there's no such thing as cancer support dogs but I just thought fuck it. Unfortunately there's no Lady in this fic, I just felt that to me Lady seemed more like a direwolf for innocent Sansa not the Sansa she is now. Okay so if you've noticed I'm kinda establishing Sansa as the left out Stark, this is because in both books and show it's always seemed to me that Sansa is the least cared for Stark, like you can argue that Cat loves her best but if you read the books you would know that Bran's actually her favorite. All my supporting characters will eventually have more importance as the story progresses so don't worry (well maybe except for Edmure because honestly who cares about Edmure). I gave Melisandre past cancer because why would she lead a cancer support group if she didn't have cancer also it's ovarian cancer because of her Stannis shadow baby. I don't dislike Talisa and I don't want her to be a bitch but I love Robb more so she has to be a bitch #sorry, the reason I mostly portray their relationship like this is because in the show their relationship was super toxic, not like in the usual sense but like their relationship caused a lot of bad things to happen unfortunately. Jon kinda seems way out of character, that's only because he's with Sansa. Later on you'll see that fic Jon is just like canon Jon, he's a broody bastard but Sansa brings out the good/happiness in him so that's why he's like this right now. I didn't want to give Gilly cancer but I needed a way for Jon to meet Sansa and I wasn't about to pull that cruel ass Fault in Our Stars shit because that can only end in tragedy. You guys didn't really think I was gonna let Jonsa happen that easy did you? Oh my sweet summer children you haven't been paying attention. Okay so I'm not gonna leave any update promises because so far I've been shit at keeping those, also this fic is actually being written as it goes along, like I had an idea what I wanted to do especially for major plot points but to be honest I've only really got the skeleton like basically all the meats missing and I gotta fill that shit in so who knows when my next update will be. Hopefully soon (no promises #Ilearn)!
> 
> Alright lastly is the music and shit:  
> Jump in the Line - Harry Belafonte  
> Town Without Pity - Gene Pitney  
> Don't Stop Me Now - Queen  
> Blue Jeans - Lana del Rey  
> Book:  
> The Selection - Kiera Cass (yes this is a real book)
> 
> Speaking of music, so if you've read the tags you know that the Night's Watch is a band. I already have some songs in mind but if there's any songs you'd like to submit to me to be considered for some of the Night's Watches songs then go for it, however the Night's Watch will be a rock band so none of that pussy shit please.
> 
> *(Excuse my crass language... I was really tired lol)*


	5. Surprise!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT MAKE SURE YOU READ!

Alright guys unfortunately this isn’t an update, but keep reading this is **IMPORTANT** ! 

So if you hadn’t noticed, I haven’t touched this fic in like 2 months which is usual for me since I usually update once a month which is already pretty fucking ridiculous. Yea so unfortunately I’ve been hit with writer's block, when I first had the idea for this fic I was super excited and decided to rush and get it on here as soon as possible because in the past I’ve had ideas that I saved and later on someone else ended up thinking the same thing. So generally I don’t really plan fics but I make sure I have a vague idea of what’s going to happen, sadly I didn’t do that for this fic; there are several parts that I’ve thought of but I have no plan what’s so ever for the middle of this fic and since this fic is supposed to be really long I actually do need a plan. Also this was the first fic I’d written in almost 2 years so I was pretty rusty and so far things aren’t panning out like how I imagined in my head, and I mean there’s several chapters where I felt the need to explain them and I feel like if I feel the need to explain something to you guys then I’m obviously doing something wrong. 

So after careful consideration I’ve decided to put this fic on hold and rewrite it, or at the very least edit some of it. Either way this fic is going to be discontinued for the moment. However I will leave it on ao3, at least until I rewrite this and then I’ll delete this version and put the new one up; I will be sure to let you guys know when it happens. Although this fic is on hold I won’t technically be disappearing, if you’ve noticed I did recently write a fic and I’ll continue to do so because I’m working on a series of one-shots. So don’t worry you’ll still continue to see me around while I’m working on this in the background.  

Anyway I’d like to thank all of you guys who’ve stuck with me on this sorta long journey (mostly because the 4 chapters I do have took me forever lol) and I hope you guys will stick around for the new one. Thanks for your patience and have a nice day all you beautiful people out there! 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again thank you guys and I'm really sorry! I'll try to have this fic rewritten as soon as possible!


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